For many, the quest for happiness seems intrinsically tied to the hope of finding a romantic partner — a soulmate, a spouse, someone to share the mundane and magical moments of life. When we’re not in a relationship, especially when we haven’t been in one for a long time or have never had one at all, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing something is wrong with us. This deeply held belief — that without a partner we’re somehow incomplete — is more than just a fleeting insecurity. It’s a narrative that’s been shaped by our culture, our media, and often even our own families. But what if that belief is not only untrue, but also holding us back from living our fullest, happiest lives?

In her book The Myths of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky directly challenges the idea that being single is a state of lack. She shares the story of a woman who, despite practicing daily gratitude and kindness, found herself constantly undone by the absence of a romantic partner. Her story is powerful because it’s familiar: the heartbreak of watching happy couples, the quiet loneliness that creeps in even amid a busy life, and the internal questioning of one’s own worthiness.

But Lyubomirsky uses this heartfelt story not to reinforce the importance of romantic love, but to dismantle the myth that it’s a requirement for happiness. Research consistently shows that while married individuals often report higher life satisfaction overall, this difference largely disappears when you compare people who are happily married to those who are happily single. Even more telling: the happiness boost from marriage typically lasts only about two years before couples return to their previous emotional baseline. Meanwhile, those who remain single throughout life often build deep, rewarding friendships, pursue meaningful goals, and report equally high — sometimes higher — levels of happiness and well-being.

What makes the difference isn’t the presence of a partner — it’s the presence of connection. People who are single but have strong, supportive social networks fare just as well, and sometimes better, than their coupled counterparts. Singles often maintain closer relationships with family and friends and actively cultivate friendships that enrich their lives over decades. These chosen families offer everything from emotional support to intellectual stimulation — needs we often assume only a partner can meet.

So, what happens when we stop chasing a romantic ideal and instead embrace the possibility of a “good-enough single life”? Not a life of resignation or loneliness, but a vibrant, full existence built around growth, contribution, and connection — minus the pressure to find “the one.” Lyubomirsky encourages us to explore this option, not because we’re giving up on love, but because we’re prioritizing well-being over societal scripts.

She outlines three steps that can help people transition from longing to thriving. First, reduce the emotional weight we place on the goal of finding a partner — by, for instance, asking friends to stop setting us up and viewing new acquaintances not as potential dates, but as potential friends or allies. Second, shift how we perceive that goal. Maybe it’s not as essential to our happiness as we once thought. Third, and most crucially, redirect our energies into activities and goals that bring purpose and fulfillment — whether that’s deepening friendships, adopting a child, volunteering, exploring creative pursuits, or returning to school.

What’s most radical — and healing — about this message is that it invites us to stop measuring our worth against an ideal that may not even align with our authentic desires. For many, the yearning for marriage is real and personal. But for others, it’s a product of cultural programming. If your inner voice says, “I’ll never be happy alone” or “I’m a failure without a partner,” it’s worth pausing to examine whether that belief truly belongs to you, or whether you’ve inherited it.

We live in a society that exalts coupledom while sidelining the richness of single life. And yet, half of U.S. adults are single — and many are thriving. Those who embrace singlehood as a lifestyle choice often report feeling more in control of their time, more focused on meaningful projects, and more connected to their communities. They are not “waiting” for life to begin with the arrival of a partner. They are already living it.

Of course, some of us will always hold onto the hope of romantic love. That hope is beautiful, and keeping the door open to love doesn’t mean we must center our lives around it. In fact, the irony is that the best chance of attracting the right partner comes not from relentless searching, but from becoming the most complete, vibrant version of ourselves. As Lyubomirsky notes, optimistic, grounded, and fulfilled individuals are not only happier — they’re more attractive to others, too.

In the end, the myth that we must be partnered to be happy is just that — a myth. Knowing this can free us from a great deal of pain and open us to a world of possibility. It allows us to find peace in solitude, strength in independence, and joy in the relationships we already have.

And perhaps most importantly, it gives us permission to write our own story — one where love may or may not come, but happiness is never put on hold waiting for it.

Credits: Excerpts and ideas are from The Myths of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky.