When we say we like something, it makes us feel good. Wanting is when we predict that we will like something in the future. Sometimes, we get what we want but end up not liking it. This is called miswanting. Miswanting refers to the situation where we desire or want something but end up feeling unhappy or dissatisfied with it once we attain it. It happens because our predictions about what will make us happy are often wrong.

Here are a few examples to illustrate miswanting:

1. Ordering a Dish at a Restaurant: Imagine you’re at a restaurant, and you order a cheeseburger because you think it will satisfy your hunger and make you happy. However, when the cheeseburger arrives, you realize that you have no interest in eating it, even though it looks and smells like what you wanted. You feel puzzled and wonder why you ordered something you didn’t actually want.
2. Dreaming of Fame and Adoration: Let’s say you dream of becoming famous and adored by people. You imagine that being famous will bring you happiness and fulfilment. However, if you were to achieve fame, you might not have considered the downsides, such as the invasion of privacy or constant public scrutiny. The reality of fame may not align with your initial expectations, leading to a sense of miswanting.
3. Seeking Variety: Sometimes, we believe that having more variety in our lives will make us happier. For instance, you might plan to eat your favourite snack every day, thinking it will bring you joy. However, over time, you may realize that the constant repetition of the same snack diminishes your enjoyment. Your theory about the need for variety leads to inaccurate predictions about what you will truly like.
4. Emotional Influences: Our emotions can also mislead us into miswanting. For example, imagine you feel excited about going to the circus. However, upon reflection, you realize that your excitement might be influenced by receiving some good news earlier in the day rather than genuine enjoyment of circus performances. In this case, your feelings may be attributed to the wrong source, leading to inaccurate predictions about your future liking.

There are three main reasons why miswanting occurs. First, when we imagine something we want, the actual experience may be different from what we imagined. For example, we may think being famous would make us happy, but we don’t consider the downsides like the invasion of privacy. Second, we may have incorrect theories about what we will like. We may think variety is good, but having too much of something can be dull. Lastly, our feelings and emotions can be influenced by other factors, leading us to make inaccurate predictions about what we will like.

Our desires and decisions are shaped by a combination of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, thinking too much about our preferences can interfere with our initial feelings and lead to dissatisfaction with our choices. On the other hand, relying only on our feelings can also lead us astray. Depending on the situation, either our thoughts or our feelings may be more reliable in guiding our wants and decisions.

When it comes to long-term wants and desires, we often overestimate the emotional impact of certain events. A person might anticipate immense joy and fulfilment upon purchasing a luxury item, such as a fancy car or an expensive gadget. However, the initial thrill of ownership often diminishes over time as the item becomes routine and loses its novelty. The happiness derived from the possession fades, and the individual may start longing for the next new thing. We think that achieving certain goals or experiencing certain events will make us happy for a long time, but in reality, the happiness fades away quickly. This is because we tend to focus only on the event itself and ignore other factors that influence our overall happiness.

Focalism is the tendency to overlook the consequences of non-central events when predicting the emotional impact of central events. This can lead to inaccurate desires and overestimating the long-term effects of certain events. Let us consider an individual who has diligently exerted effort in their work and eagerly anticipates a promotion. They hold the belief that this promotion will bestow upon them profound happiness, elevated status, and a sense of fulfilment. However, upon receiving the promotion, they come to the realization that it entails additional responsibilities, extended working hours, and heightened expectations. Consequently, they may experience feelings of being overwhelmed or stressed, which they had not anticipated when their sole focus was on attaining the promotion. Their intense concentration on the central event of securing the promotion caused them to disregard the potential negative repercussions that accompany it.

Additionally, our psychological immune system helps protect our happiness by changing our thoughts and feelings about certain events. However, we often neglect the role of our immune system and overestimate the negative impact of events on our happiness.

So the point I am trying to drive home is that our wants and desires can be mistaken, and our predictions about what will make us happy are often inaccurate. Our thoughts and feelings play a role in shaping our desires and decisions, but sometimes they can lead us astray. We also tend to overestimate the long-term emotional effects of events and overlook the protective mechanisms of our psychological immune system. Understanding these factors can help us make more informed decisions and find genuine happiness.