What truly keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? Imagine you’re investing in your future best self—where would you focus your time and energy? For many, the instinct might be to chase wealth and fame. A recent survey of Millennials found that over 80% had the goal of getting rich, and 50% aspired to become famous. Society often encourages us to work harder, push further, and achieve more, as though these were the ultimate keys to happiness.

But what if we’ve been looking in the wrong places?

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, spanning 85 years, offers a rare and invaluable glimpse into the full arc of human lives. This study began in 1938, tracking 724 men—half of them sophomores at Harvard and the other half boys from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. Over the decades, these teenagers became adults, taking different paths in life. Some rose to the pinnacle of success, while others faced immense struggles, including addiction and mental illness. One participant even became President of the United States.

Despite the challenges that usually derail such long-term research—like lack of funding, participant dropouts, or the passing of researchers—the Harvard study has survived, now led by its fourth director, Robert Waldinger. Today, it continues with the descendants of the original participants, extending its wisdom across generations.

The Surprising Key to Happiness

What has this study revealed about living a good life? It’s not about wealth, fame, or relentless work. The clearest and most consistent finding is this: good relationships are the foundation of a happy and healthy life.

Three Key Lessons About Relationships

1. Social Connections Are Vital
   Strong connections with family, friends, and community lead to greater happiness, better physical health, and longer lives. On the flip side, loneliness can be toxic. People who feel isolated often experience declining health earlier in life, poorer brain function, and shorter lifespans.
2. Quality Over Quantity
   It’s not about having a large circle of friends or being in a relationship—it’s the quality of those relationships that matters. High-conflict relationships can harm your health, while warm, supportive ones can protect it. At age 50, participants who were most satisfied in their relationships were the healthiest at age 80.
3. Good Relationships Protect the Brain
   Secure, dependable relationships help preserve memory and cognitive function. Even in relationships with occasional conflict, a sense of reliability and trust buffers against memory decline.

Why Do We Struggle With This Simple Wisdom?

Despite these findings, nurturing relationships often takes a back seat. Relationships are messy, time-consuming, and not as glamorous as chasing career milestones. Yet, the happiest participants in retirement were those who actively replaced work-based connections with personal ones.

Many of us, like the young adults surveyed, believe that fame, wealth, and achievement will bring fulfillment. But the study repeatedly shows that leaning into relationships—with family, friends, and community—is what truly leads to a good life.

What Can You Do?

It’s never too late to prioritize relationships. Whether you’re 25, 40, or 60, small actions can make a big difference. Here are some ideas:

• Replace screen time with face-to-face interactions.
• Rekindle a stale relationship by doing something new together—take a long walk, plan a date night, or share a heartfelt conversation.
• Reach out to a family member or friend you’ve lost touch with. Holding grudges can weigh heavily on your well-being.

As Mark Twain wisely said:

“There isn’t time—so brief is life—for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

The good life is built with good relationships. What steps will you take today to strengthen yours?

Learn More

If this resonates with you, explore more insights from Robert Waldinger’s book The Good Life or visit his website at robertwaldinger.com.

Invest in what truly matters—relationships—and discover the happiness that lasts a lifetime.